Oh God, You have searched me and know me. Psalm 139:1
I love worshipping the Lord. There is nothing that I enjoy more than that. He gave me a good voice with which I can do that. I get at times quite excited and emotional when I lead worship and it is hard for me to stay still. Not everyone enjoys that. In the past I have been accused of grandstanding and putting on a show with worship and I know that there are still those who think that. You don’t know how much that grieves me. There have been times I spent many hours in tears because that is not how I want people to see me. That’s not my heart. I want to see people worship. When they sit there in their seats and pretend to worship it tears me apart and I just don’t want to talk to anyone after the service. My heart grieves because I know how much He wants to commune with them. In worship I sometimes reach His very throne and feel His heartbeat. Don’t they know that if they would just let go they could reach that place too? I don’t know why He allows me to come to that place at times when I worship because I know how unfaithful my heart can be. Maybe it’s because I don’t hide my frailties from Him. I am very open with Him about my weaknesses. Maybe it’s because my heart is very tender towards Him and I hurt whenever I fail Him. Four times I was told through men of God that God had called me into ministry. In the second instance God said that people would say about me like they said about His Son. Can anything good come out of Nazareth? Can anything good come out of this man? A question I have asked myself a lot in my life. Especially these last three years. How many projects have I started never completing? How many people have I let down because I just didn’t feel I could follow through with what they asked me to do. How many times have I just let a few words from somebody discourage me to the point of dropping everything? More than I can count. I know in the eyes of the world and in the eyes of many of my brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ I look like a big colossal failure. I must admit I feel like one. But I hear His voice saying to me; Gerry I love you, you are my son and in you I take pleasure. And I ask but how Lord? How can you love a person who has even failed at serving you. And I hear; My grace is sufficient. I struggle to understand this kind of love. It just doesn’t make sense according to this worlds view.
For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.” 1Cor. 1:26-31
All I have to give to Him is my voice. It is my offering. I am sorry I may offend some by the way I lead worship but to worship any other way doesn’t allow me to get to where I need to be. I am not a person with many degrees or things that make people be taken notice of in this world. The times I have boasted I have felt so bad and embarrassed about.
Singing and worship opens our heart to God. In a game that I have played, in order to get into certain areas you needed to be attuned. Well unless you attune your heart to God’s Spirit through worshipping Him in spirit and truth, you can’t get to His throne. Worship and praise becomes boring and repetitive to you. Music and song is a vehicle that God uses to bring us there. It has been proven that music opens us up to the spiritual realm. Once you are attuned the teaching that follows goes in much easier as well. How do you get there? Abandonment. Throwing all cares of this world on Christ. Not worrying about who is watching you are what they are thinking. Surrendering every thought to Christ and letting your heart be captivated by Him and the songs you are singing Him.